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In the jungle, the mighty jungle,
the lion sleeps tonight - NOISES
FROM THE BASEMENT
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August 21, 2002 |
Vol. 3, Issue 11 |
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1) Timely Tips - "Conditionally
Yours, Part II"
2) File Find! - "SpyBot - Search & Destroy"
3) Sites-Seeing - "History
of...\Worst Titles"
4) Email Funny - "Purr-fect Yoga"
5) They Said It - quotes to give one pause
6) Hodgepodge - that what fits no where else
Hi, and welcome once again to The
Basement; unless this is your first time here - then an
"unconditionally" large welcome to you! Like the new decor? In response to feedback from several
readers, I've moved the light bulb from one side of The Basement to
the other - the "lighter" background is now here, behind the main content.
Hope it improves things...
And speaking of the dark side, you'll
notice a few (more than usual) contortions of the English language
in this issue-- it seems that NFTB itself is running afoul of
anti-Spam software, based on my choice of words. Lots more about this
in the very near future; until then, enjoy a laugh as I try to play
the ezine editor's version of "Beat the Idiot Anti-spamware"...
which also is the reason for the odd(er) Subject line this week. If
you or your ISP is running this kind of thing, please be proactive
and add Noises From The Basement to your "Friends" filter!
Confidential to Cincinnati-area
teachers--My Fall night-class
schedule
is here; register soon, as the first one starts September 9th!
As always, feel free to
drop me
a comment on what you liked, disliked, or would like to see
in the future!
- Dave
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1) Timely Tips - "Conditionally Yours,
Part II"
Last issue we took a look at the
Conditional Formatting feature available to Excel users;
today let's expand on the topic just a bit and use more than one
condition:Pete wants to keep a close eye
on his expenses. He's done that in the example to the right by
conditionally formatting the cells in the
Total column so that:
- Condition 1 is [Cell value] [less than] [750] Format
light green; Add>>> button
- Condition 2 is [Cell value] [between] [750] and [2500] Format
light yellow; Add>>> button
- Condition 3 is [Cell value] [greater than] 2500 Format Bold
Red text. (You're limited to a maximum of 3 conditions when
formatting.) |
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Lower expense totals (<750) are shaded
green; mid-range (750 < X < 2500) are yellow, and those pesky high
expense items (>2500) are red. Individual expense cells could also
be formatted using the same method, thereby increasing the chance
that data anomalies are discovered before things get out of
hand...and thus save your company from the fate of an Enron or
WorldCom!
And that's why your boss should let
you read Noises From The Basement on company time, Julie!
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2) File Find! - "SpyBot
- Search & Destroy"
This week's offering sounds more like a Schwarzenegger movie then
an anti-spyware program, but its ease of use and broad coverage
makes this utility with the macho name a nice addition to your
privacy arsenal! S-S&D searches your hard disk for
different kinds of internet threats – including Dialers,
Hijackers, Keyloggers, Malware, Trojans, Trackers, and Spybots!
After performing a Search, any discovered "problems" are listed
and you can then select what you want to Destroy. S-S&D
belongs in the same family of tools as
AdAware, and will find
potential bad actors that AA might not look for. S-S&D
can be set for seven languages preferences, offers a high
degree of user customization, and has a Recovery feature "just
in case".
Push the button on your mouse*
on the following link to download
SpyBot -
Search & Destroy!
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Notable Newsletters-
Let's face it. STUPID PEOPLE ARE FUNNY!! The Bonehead of the Day
mailing list finds the best of them!
All from major news sources and tells you all about each one! Visit the
web site at:
BoneheadOfTheDayAward.com or see a
Sample
Here!
Bonehead was one of the very first e-mail newsletters to which I
subscribed, years ago. I greatly admire the time and effort that
goes into finding the most ridiculous, brainless,
chowder-headed members of the human race - and sharing them with the
Rest of Us on a daily basis! A tip of the hat to Jerry for his fine efforts!
Speaking
of things Bonehead, how about this torturing of clarity to avoid
an "Assassin" -
Agree to Receive
BoneheadofTheDayAward Here! *
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3) Sites-Seeing - "History of...\Worst Titles"
Reader Paul C. wrote to remind me that
the "Old Chinese curse" I referred to in last issue should have been
"interesting times" and not "exciting times" as I wrote... which
motivated me to be especially sure I was correct in using the quote
"Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it," often attributed
to Franklin D. Roosevelt. Good thing, too, as I found out that the
proper quote, by George Santayana, is "Those who cannot
remember the past are condemned to repeat it."
Which is a long and convoluted
way of introducing our first site,
History of..., which is but
one page from the web site of
Evansville teacher Nancy
B. Mautz.
History
of... is a clever list of all websites that meet one
simple criterion - they're named "The History of -" History of what?
How about...
Flashlights?
Potato chips?
Brain surgery
? There's plenty to see and lots to learn at
History of...
(in spite of its "more-than-I-like-to-see-in-a-recommended-site"
number of dead links)
I spent several years one
summer working the graveyard shift as a grill cook at a place
named T-Jayes Country Palace. I soon learned that the Elevator Music
people have a "country" version, which they sell to places like my former
employer. Tapes were two hours long, therefore you'd hear the
same #$% songs four times in an 8-hour shift--pure torture for a
rock-and-rock kind of guy! However, it was there that I learned all the
words to my (now) favorite country song - David Allan Coe's "You
Never Even Called Me By My Name," so there was an up
side ;-)
At our second site, you won't
find the words to songs--only the
All-Time Best of the Worst Country Song
Titles. Great ones like "When You Wrapped My
Lunch in a Road Map, I Knew You Meant Good-Bye," "Oh, I've Got
Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I
Can See Through You" and "If She Hadn't Been So Good Lookin' I
Might Have Seen the Train!" -- Just three of
the over two hundred you'll find listed!
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| 4)
Email Funny - "Purr-fect Yoga"
Join Yogi Karl and
his assistant Ovaria
in Purr-fect Yoga--"A cat, a mat, and 20 minutes and
you can be happy." Take this as fair warning, however,
you'll not find relaxation here! Rather, the peace and
tranquility you'll experience will come from the endorphins that
will be released when you bust a gut laughing at this newest
"New Age" lampoon!
There are
currently three Purr-fect videos that you'll find at
Yogakitty.com in both Quicktime and Windows Media Player
versions!
i received very positive
response to the opening of
The Basement
Games Room which was announced last issue, with the sole exception
of reader John B. who writes: "Serious Complaint-Dave, you have
WASTED two hours of my time with that silly Acno game!
;-) Here are the codes for the rest of the levels..." Thanks,
John! - and I've included your codes
here for any
others that may need a little help. Take a break and see if you
can beat Acno; or maybe the newest challenge, Polar
Rescue; or any other the more than 60 Flash games available!
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Newest of the New(sletters) - The
Basement welcomes a new partnership organization -
The ITReadingRoom. They provide you this
no cost service - an
easy way to stay informed in 4 easy steps! No matter what your IT
specialty, product niche, or management level, this is the perfect
way to keep up to date on the latest product and service
announcements from major vendors by email!
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| 5)
They Said It
"Some people think football
is a matter of life and death. I don't like that attitude. I can
assure them that it is much more serious then that." - Bill
Shankly
[Guess where you'll find
yours
truly, eight home-game
Saturdays
this fall?
Can you spot the Basement Dweller himself?]
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| 6)
Hodgepodge
< * >
I was wrong - it isn't the loyalty cards you need to watch out for -
it's the floors: "Cameras
have problems," he said. "They get confused when the light's
changing, and by people, clutter and things moving around in a
space. Just measuring impacts on the floor removes a lot of
ambiguity,
like tracking aircraft with a radar blip"...
< * > Powered by Pillowium 4? -
Microchips twice as fast as the current silicon ones - made of
chicken feathers... < * > Hacked, Tracked
and NOW owned by the U.S.A. -- I let out a cheer when I read how
the
al-Qaida
site was hacked by Jon Messner, quoted in
a recent
Wired News story: "I
was going to use every skill I had to screw up the terrorists'
communication in any way I could." < * > Those
simple orange traffic cones carry
mighty powers... < * >
The
future of ID-age checks is now..."Once an ID is swiped, the
customer's name and age pop up on a screen as the device reads --
and then stores on a computer disk -- personal information such as
height, weight, birth date, address, and, in some states, Social
Security number."
< * > Every once in a while,
things work out right for the victim, and
justice is swift!
G'nite, and thanks for reading!
Dave Gretz
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*So, what's with those silly
asterisks? Anytime I convolute the language of this newsletter to
minimize the effects of programs like
SpamAssinine,
I'll use an asterisk. This will indicate that the choice of words is
not my first choice, but chosen to decrease the chance of outright
censorship. This area also contains certain key words and phrases
that positively affect the old "score", like "Does it ask a
question?" Isn't this stupid? |
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